Long, Ryuu, Dragon
by DP-san
Summary: Humor with a touch of Romance! The Dao (Tao) and Ainu families need descendants, and Lian (Ren) and Horo Horo are too stubborn to resort to incest! They must trade sisters, but the trade goes... WRONG!! Horo gets slapped! Twice!!
1. Incest?! No Way!!

Long, Ryuu, Dragon  
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy  


Disclaimer: Wusai doesn't own Shaman King.  
Claimer: Wusai owns her ideas.  
Wusai: Ren will be called Lian; Jun, Chun; En, Yuan; Pyron, Bai-long; and Gei Yin keeps her name. *hides* Yes, I know, I still have three unfinished Shaman King fics out there, and two unfinished Yu-Gi-Oh! ones... I promise I'll finish them!! I will, I will!! And I'm currently stuck on humor. My strange humor that's not really _that_ funny. O.o; Just in case you don't know, Long is Chinese for Dragon, and Ryuu is Japanese for Dragon.  


***  
Chapter One  
Incest?! No Way!!  
***  


__

Long ago, there lived two families: The Dao Family, and the Ainu Family. All through the generations, and the ages, these two families never had to meet, not even once. But, there came a day when there ran out of people worthy to be part of the royal family!! Oh no! What will happen now?!  


"Dao Lian... if you are to be the Emperor of this kingdom, we must find you an Empress. If we can't find you one, we'll have to resort to..."  
"To _what_?"  
"Having the Empress be Chun."  


Dao Lian jumped out of his royal (with a capital 'o' [rOyal]) throne. He stared at the messenger in shock.  
  
"Are you _crazy_?! No incest. Do I _have_ to have an Empress?"  
"Well, you need descendants, so..."  
"Ick."  
  
Lian plopped back down on to his rOyal throne.  
  
"I heard children of incest are normally born with physical and-slash-or mental faults?" Ren asked/stated.  
"I'm not sure," the messenger replied.

***  


"Ainu Horo Horo. The Dao family is facing the same problem as us."  
"And what is that problem?"  
"If they are to have an Emperor, they need an Empress. If we are to have you as King, we need a Queen. Since both of the heirs are refusing to resort to incest..."  
"So you're suggesting that they might want Pilica as an Empress."  
"Correct."  
  
Horo Horo snorted at the thought of _anyone_ even _liking_ Pilica. He attempted to elegantly sweep the ribbon over his shoulder, but got his finger tangled, thus resulting in pulling the ribbon off. He hurriedly tied the ribbon again.  
  
"The Dao family also has a female."  
"You mean... you're going to engage us to someone we don't know?!"  
"Yes..."  
"Crazy!"  


Horo Horo lay back on his royal (with a capital 'a' this time [royAl]) throne. The messenger stared at him.  


"Well, anyway, we haven't decided on whether the Ainu family is going to the Dao land, or vice versa," the messenger said.  
"Let them come over here. I'm too lazy to go over there," Horo Horo said, tracing the design on his royAl throne with one... not so delicate finger.  
"Yes," the messenger said. He scurried off to someplace.   


Horo Horo propped up his chin with his left arm, staring in a bored manner at his right hand. All of a sudden, he began to laugh.  
  
"Ah ha ha ha. AH ha ha ha. AH HA HA HA!!! WA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!"  


He stopped laughing.  


"Who would've known a hand was so amusing?"  


He smiled. Well, actually, this isn't my idea, rather, my friend Kat always does that. O.o;  


***  


Lian changed into his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. He looked at himself in the mirror.  


"I look good in my very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. Of course, I always look good," Lian said. He admired himself in his very expensive, gold lined—

  
I think you get the point. Anyway...  


"Master Lian!!"  


A servant called to Lian, obviously. Lian opened the door, looking MAGNIFICENT in very expensive, black silk outfit, the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. The servant handed Lian a scroll, wrapped with a silk ribbon similar to Lian's very expensive, black silk—

You know what I mean.  


Lian untied the black ribbon similar to his very expensive, black silk... etc, etc, etc.   


__

Emperor Dao Lian:  


As you can see, both of us have a damned annoying problem. We both need an Empress/Queen. And since we're both too damned stubborn to resort to incest, we have to 'trade' sisters.  


Pleh. Who cares about your damned rice?! We don't need_ to set a price! Sell it for whatever price you PLEASE!!  
_

Ok, that was off the subject. Anyway, please come to the Ainu lands in one week from the current day. Since I'm too damned lazy to get my arse off my royAl throne and check the calendar, you have to do that yourself. Got it? Great.  


~Ainu Horo Horo  


"What kind of name is Horo Horo? Hey, if you add dots, it'd be Boro Boro... heh, I wonder if he's sleazy and-slash-or crappy," Lian said.  


***  


"Damn this!! Why do I have to set a price for the rice?! Hey, that rhymes! Price for the rice... um, oh yeah, back to work. Anyway... How about 100 yen a grain?" Horo Horo asked.  
"Don't you think that's a bit too expensive?" his servant asked.  
"Shut up. This is _my_ job," Horo Horo said. The servant immediately retreated. Into a bomb shelter.  


***  


"Bai-long, jing tian Lian hao xiang... bu dui. (Bai-long [Pyron], today, Lian seems... wrong.)"  
"Ta jiou shi bu dui. (He just _is_ wrong.)"  
"Dui... dan shi, jing tian ta hao xiang hen... zen me shuo... (Correct... but, today, he seems... how to say it...)"  
"Gui? (Strange?)"  
"Aa, dui. (Aa, correct.)"  
"Dan shi, ta mei tian hen gui a! (But, he's strange _every_ day!)"  
"Wo men zai shuo she me?! (What are we saying?!)"  
"Wo bu zhi dao. (I don't know.)"  
"Hao... na me... wo men bu shuo, hao ba? (Ok... then... let's just stop this conversation, ok?)"  
"Hao. (Ok.)"  


***  


"Dammit! Can you just tell them to set their own prices for their rice before I stick ice blocks up their asses?!" Horo Horo yelled to the servant.  
"I'm afraid that is not possible," he replied.  
"FINE! 100 yen a bag!!"  
"You have to specify how big the bag is."  
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  


***  


Wusai: All right, that was strange... Please R&R!!


	2. You're Going To Trade Me Away?!

Long, Ryuu, Dragon  
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy  


Wusai: Disclaimer and claimer in the first chappie. This fic was supposed to be serious, but... *sigh* And yes, the chapter titles rhyme, because I said so.  
NEW Disclaimer: Wusai doesn't own Kat's ideas, nor does she own Gundam Wing.  


***  
Chapter Two  
You're Going To Trade Me Away?!  
***  
  
_And so, the Ainu and Dao families decide on a day for their 'trade'. However, the females do not know of this event...  
_

"Ok. 100 yen for a one-pound bag of rice."  
"What kind of rice? Long or short?"  
"Does it _matter_?!"  
"No, no, Master Horo Horo, I was kidding..."  
"Bad joke. REALLY bad."  


Horo Horo lay back onto his royAl throne. He sighed.  


"One more bad joke and you'll have an ice cube up your ass, got it?" Horo Horo said. The servant nodded nervously.  


***  


All of a sudden, floating penguins appear over Lian, eating toilet paper. However, that's not possible, because Lian doesn't _have_ toilet paper. Again, this is not my idea, but 'tis what Kat always does. ~.~;  


"Damn... I shouldn't drink Chun's Wu Long (Oolong) tea... I'm so bored!!" Lian exclaimed. There came a knock on his door. He got up, dusting off the imaginary dust off his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.

He opened the door, of course.  
  
"Master Lian, there is an entertainer for you," the servant said. Lian nodded, and went to the rOyal hall. Wait, no, it royal with a capital 'y'. He walked to his roYal hall, and sat on his rOyal throne. There came in a clown! With a unibang!! He wore a mask covering half of his face!!!!!!  


In other words, he was Trowa Barton, or Triton Bloom, from Gundam Wing! Hey, if Trowa's real name is Triton Bloom, and the guy who plays Legolas in "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring" is Orlando Bloom, does that mean Trowa and Legolas are related?! Ok, that was off the subject... anyway...  


So Trowa juggles. Big deal. He walks on the ball. Ooh, great... As you can see, Horo Horo, as are we, is extremely bored. But then! Wingèd Sheep attack!! Trowa pilots Gundam Heavyarms, aims for a few sheep, miss, and blow up half of the palace!! However, he somehow, magically restored that half, and all was calm.  


As you can see, I'm really bored.  


Anyway...  


Don't you think I'm using too many 'anyway's? Anyway... see?! There's another one!! Anyway... O, that was definitely off the subject. Let's get back to the fic and not my rambling.  


Lian claps for Trowa, and praises him for being so boring. He then shoves him out of the palace with sporks up his ass. However, that's not possible, because Lian doesn't _have_ sporks. I do hope you know what sporks are, right? You don't? They're spoons with the front like forks. So they're sporks. Lian has a nonexistent collection of nonexistent things he has in his nonexistent attic, so that's how he pulls out nonexistent stuff. Yeah.  


***  


"Bai-long, Lian zen me ke yi na chu lai bu chen zai de dong xi? (Bai-long, how does Lian pull out nonexistent things?)"  
"Wo zhen de bu zhi dao. (I really don't know.)"  
"Hao. Na xie tiao gen he cha zi, liang ge do zai yi ge dong xi, shi jiao she me? (Ok. Those things that are a spoon and fork in one, what are they called?)"  
"Hm. Bu zhi dao. Wo men ke yi jiao ta 'tiao zi'. (Hm. Don't know. We can call them 'spork' [Actually, that's not what they say; they're trying to combine the two phrases.])"  
"Dan shi, hao xiang yi jing you ge dong xi jiao 'tiao zi'. (Ok, but I think there's already something called a 'tiao zi'. [In Chinese, each pronunciation has many characters, so it's possible for one phrase to sound like a different one, such as 'xing'. It has two characters, one meaning 'star', and the other 'heart', and they have the same pronunciation, so if it's a word play, I can't translate it.])  
"Hmph. Na me wo men lai jiao ta 'na ge dong xi Lian yo, shi tiao gen ye shi cha zi, zai yi chi'. (Hmph. Then, let's call it 'that thing Lian has, it's a spoon and fork in one.)"  
"Hao. Wo men wei she me yao zhi dao na shi she me dong xi? (Ok. Why do we need to know what that thing is?)"  
"Wo men bu yong zhi dao. (We don't need to know.)"  
"Bai-long... (Bai-long...)"  
"She me? (What?)"  
"Wo men wei she me mei tian shuo hen que yi si de hua? (Every day, why do we speak such pointless talk [nonsense]?)"  
"Ni wei she me wen wo? (Why do you ask me?)"  
"Wo yi wei ni zhi dao. (I thought you knew.)"  
"Dan shi wo bu zhi dao. (But I don't know.)"  
"Hao. Wo men lai bi zui. (Ok. Let's shut up.)"  
"Hao. (Ok.)"  


***  


"Bah. I hope they're satisfied with the price of their rice. Price of their rice. Price of their—Yeah. That rhymes, it's so amusing!!" Horo Horo said, laughing. The servant nodded, fearfully.  
"Should we tell Mistress Pilica about the arrival of the Dao's? After all, she does not know, and they will be arriving in a few days," the servant asked.  
"Shut up. It's my job," Horo Horo said, "PILICAAAAAAAAAA!!!"  
"WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?!"  
"COME OVER HEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!"  
"OKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!"  


Pilica bounced into the royaL hall, and stood before Horo Horo, who was sitting on his royAl throne. Strange how none of them have the 'r' capitalized in the word 'royal'... that'd look strange, no? Anyway...  


"Pilica, I have something I must tell you."  
"I knew it! It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!!"  
"Um. No."  
"Then... then... I knew it!! It was YOU who... um... uh..."  
"Um. No. Let me finish."  
"Fine."  
"Anyway, Pilica, we're going to trade you away."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Unless you want to marry me."  
"NO!"  
"Exactly. So, we're going to engage you to this... Lian guy. If you find you absolutely hate him and would rather marry me, which I'll doubt, then just say so. They'll be here in a few days."  
"Lian... what a funny name!!"  
"Let's not worry about that. Anyway, understand the plan?"  
"Yes."  


Pilica bounced away. Somehow.  


"Oh, and Pilica?"  
"Yeah?"  
"It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!! Remember?! I asked you to give me one, or you'd have an ice block up your ass!!"  
"Oh yeah... Oh well!!"  


Pilica continued bouncing away. Yeah, you all know that game about the cookie jar. You know, 'Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?!' and then you randomly pick someone and say, 'It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!!' and then they have to say 'Not me!! Couldn't be!!' or something like that, and then the people reply 'then WHO stole the cookies from the cookie jar?!' and it goes on like that. Truly boring, really.  


***  


"WHAT?!"  
"Yup. You heard me correctly."  
"But... but... this Horo Horo you speak of, first of all, his name sounds like boro boro, and, second, he's about FOUR YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!!"  
"So?"  
"That's... bad!"  
"Then would you want to marry me?"  
"Of course not!!"  
"Then you'd have to marry Horo Horo."  
"Hmph. This'd be a lot easier if I could marry Bai-long. (A/N: In this fic, Bai-long [Pyron] isn't a zombie. Though I don't know what he's doing there...)"  
"You _can't_. He's not a Dao."  
"I know, I know..."  
"And he's about... ten? Twenty? years older than you."  
"I _know_."  
"Ai ya, Lian hao tao yien... (Aiya, Lian's so annoying...)"  
"Wo bu tao yien! Wo shi... um... wo shi... ah... (I'm not annoying!! I'm... um... I'm... ah...)"  
"Tao yien. (Annoying.)"  
"Chun, ni gei wo bi zui. (Chun [Jun], you shut up.)"  
  
—SUPER SECRET HIDDEN KILLER MOVE #1 – 'PURE' REVENGE!!—

(A/N: 'Chun' means 'Pure'.)   
  
Chun raised her arm, and slapped Lian across the face. The red on his cheek made a great contrast with the black on his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.  


"Never, EVER, tell me to shut up!!"  
"God, are you PMSing or something?"  


Remember, boys, there's two things you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER do.   


The first thing is, if you're a younger brother, and have an older sister, you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER tell her to shut up.   


The second thing is, you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER ask her if she's PMSing. Chances are, if she _is_, you'll get slapped across the face. If she _isn't_, then you'll get slapped across the face. Both ways, you're screwed.  


—SUPER SECRET HIDDIN KILLER MOVE #2 – PURE REVENGE... x2!—

  
A loud crack was heard for miles around. Now, in addition to the red on one cheek, there was a very bright red hand print on the other. Both of them contrasted very well with the black on Lian's very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.  


***  


"Did you hear that crack?"  
"Yes. I bet you I know what happened, Horo Horo!"  
"What do you think, Pilica?"  
"I bet you a younger brother just either told his older sister to shut up, and-slash-or a boy asked a girl if she was PMSing!"  
"That should be it."  


***  


Wusai: Ok, I know the 'never's take up about three or four pages... there's 3000 'never's in this chapter. :3 I know, I'm wasting space... but... it was fun! XD Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and—yeah. :3 Please review!!


	3. Leave Me Here For More Than a Day?!

Long, Ryuu, Dragon  
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy

Disclaimer: Don't own. T.T  
Claimer: Wusai owns her ideas and her not so expensive, blue, green, and red Chinese silk tops that don't have matching pants with slut holes in the sides. T.T; And her ideas.  
A/N: T.T I messed up. Jun's name isn't Chun *sobs*. It's Run. No, not Run as in run for your life. It means 'smooth'. T.T Personally, I think Chun sounds better, so I'll use Chun. . By the way, I've decided to switch the plot. So for those of you who want HoroRen and Junlica, beware. :3 It _might_ not be in here.

***  
Chapter Three  
Leave Me Here For More Than a Day?!  
***

__

The Daos arrive at the Ainu lands, unaware of what conflict they might be getting themselves into...

Lian, Chun, and Bai-long walk into the Ainu palace. Chun attempts to walk elegantly with her very expensive, black silk dress with a panda that doesn't really look like it belongs in the design and a huge green dragon on the bottom flowing behind her. However, she trips over her dress, but manages to stop herself in midair and straighten herself. Somehow. O.o;

  
"Hello and welcome to the wonderful Ainu palace! Enjoy your stay, and beware of Horo Horo's wrath, or you'll have ice blocks up some place you don't want them to be," a servant said.  
"The place you don't want them to be is called the ass, you dumb servant!!" Horo Horo said, pronouncing the 'b' in 'dumb'. Lian snorted. Horo Horo jumped off his royAl throne. He looked up at Chun, who was about half a head taller than him. Yes, Horo Horo is probably about 5'1"-5'3", I'm not sure, because the picture I was using for the calculations had him sitting down. Chun is about 5'8", not including her hair. Pilica bounced up from nowhere, and looked at Lian, who's actually about a millimeter shorter than Pilica if you don't count his hair. O.o;;; Anyway...  
  
"Don't you think your pants are a bit too... hole-y?" Pilica asked, looking at Lian's pants.  
"Of COURSE they're holy! They're MY pants!! They're part of my very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides!!" Lian said.  
"Hole-y as in there's HOLES, you dope!!" Pilica said, whacking Lian on the head.  
"Oh. I knew that. I was just, um, testing you, yeah," Lian said.  
  
  
"Don't you think that panda doesn't fit the design on your dress?" Horo Horo asked. Jun glared at him.  
"What are you doing staring at my chest, anyway?!" she snapped. Horo Horo flinched.  
"God, what's wrong with you? Are you PMSing?" Horo asked. Wusai sobbed in the nonexistent background.  
"1000 nevers! Wasted!!" she cried for no one to hear. Chun used her Super Secret Killer Move #2. Horo Horo had a throbbing, red handprint on the left side of his face. He cried, anime style. Lian walked up to him.  
"Does it hurt?" he asked.  
"Of course!!" Horo Horo said.  
"I know how to cure it!!" Lian said. For all of you who don't know, if I were being myself instead of getting hyper off the nonexistent sugar in Diet Mountain Dew, I would've made Lian kiss the cheek all better. But since I'm not... Crappy HoroRen music plays in the background. O.o;  
"How so?" Horo Horo asked.  
"Like this!"  
  
Lian slapped Horo Horo extremely hard on the right cheek. EXTREMELY hard. I mean, almost as hard as Chun!  
  
"There! Now your mind is off your left cheek, and is on your right cheek! Your left cheek doesn't hurt anymore!!" Lian said, happily. Horo Horo cried again, anime style. He now had two throbbing red handprints on his face.  
  
"'at 'idn't 'elp 'uch," he said, the throbbing reaching his mouth. "Yo 'ervant o'er 'ere!! 'oo 'ake 'un 'oo 'e 'ungeons!!"  
"Wo hao xiang ting dao le, you ren zai wei xi Chun!! (I seemed to have heard someone threaten Chun!!)" Bai-long said.  
"Dan shi ni wei she me ke yi ting dao; ni zhi zhi dao zhong wen! (But how could you have heard; you only know Chinese!)" Chun replied. Bai-long shrugged.  
"Wo jiou zhi dao. (I just know.)" Bai-long said. Horo Horo poked Lian.  
"'ut are 'ey 'aying?" he asked.  
"First, Bai-long said 'If you threaten Chun, I'll rip off your what-makes-you-a-man!!' and then Chun said 'That's right; don't ever underestimate him!' and Bai-long said 'Apologize!'" Lian replied, trying to keep a straight face. Chun hit him on the head.  
"That's not what he said," she said, "Bai-long said 'I seemed to have heard someone threaten Chun!!' and then I said 'But how could you have heard; you only know Chinese!' and then Bai-long said 'I just know.'"  
"..." Horo Horo didn't say. He looked from Chun to the snickering Lian. "Well, I believe..."  
  
Wusai _would_ make Horo Horo say 'Lian', but...  
  
"Chun," Horo Horo said, the throbbing gone.  
"Smart choice," Chun said.  
"So how long are you two staying here?" Pilica asked.  
"More than a day," Lian said.  
"Ok. There's a few rules you have to know. Only Pilica steals the cookies from the cookie jar. If you piss me off, then you get an ice block up your ass," Horo Horo said.  
"Few things you have to know about us," Lian said, "Don't piss _me_ off, or you'll have nonexistent sporks up your ass. I also have a folded up glaive in the nonexistent pocket on my pants, which are part of my very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. Chun's slap is deadly. Bai-long speaks poor Japanese[1]."  
"You have something for nonexistent stuff, don't you?" Pilica asked. Lian nodded proudly.  
"I have a whole nonexistent collection of nonexistent things I don't have in my nonexistent attic!" he said. Pilica took a step back.  
"I see," she said, looking at Lian weirdly.  
"They're supposed to stay with us for who knows how long," Horo Horo whispered to Pilica.  
"Do you think we can live?" Pilica whispered back.  
"I hope," Horo Horo replied.

***

1. The fic's in English, but they're speaking in Japanese.  
  
A/N: Ok, so that was mostly dialogue. x.o I promise the next chapter will be longer and better. Please review!


	4. Mm... Naught Much to Say...

Long, Ryuu, Dragon  
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy  


Disclaimer: Don't own.  
Claimer: I own my ideas.  
A/N: Sorry for any typos, I'm trying to cram in as much updating as I can in the last 30 minutes of my summer before I go to bed... Kee~~ Sorry for randomness.  


***  
Chapter Four  
Mm... Naught Much to Say  
***  


__

The narrator decides not to narrate, for you know what is happening... I hope...  


"I am BORED!" both Lian and Horo Horo exclaimed at the same time. At that moment... Wufei burst into the room!  
  
"Injustice!" he yelled, "Why must my Nataku be in the shop for repair?! This is INJUSTICE!!!"  
"No! Not injustice!!" Holy Girl Iron Maiden Jeanne cried.  
"I must fight! For justice!!"  
"Yes, the world needs justice! We shall FIGHT!"  
"Who's this 'Justice' you speak of?" Horo Horo asked, but was ignored.  
"Finally! Someone with the same view as I, the Solitary Dragon!"  
"We shall fight! Together!"  
"Yes, Little Albino Girl!"  
"My name is Holy Girl Iron Maiden Jeanne, you dork!"  
  
And so they left, ranting about their fight for justice...  
  
"...That was random," Lian said to no one in particular. Horo Horo nodded.  
"Indeed."  
  
Lian and Horo Horo looked at each other. They walked outside to the balcony, looking at the stars. Crappy HoroRen music plays in the background.  
  
"Lian..."  
"Yes?"  
"Would you... DIE for me?"  
  
A moment of silence.  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
The crappy HoroRen music stopped playing as Horo shrugged.  
  
"Figures. I wouldn't die for you, either."  


***  


"Wo you yi ge ming zi. (I have a name.)"  
"...Zhen de ma? Wo ye you yi ge ming zi. (...Really? I also have a name.)"  
"n.n Wo ye shi yi ge ren. (n.n I'm also a person.)"  
"Dui. Wo shi ren, ni shi ren. (Correct. You are a person, I am a person.)"  
"Bai-long, ni zen me zhi dao? (Bai-long, how do you know?)"  
"Wo bu zhi dao. (I don't know.)"  
"*gasp* Na jiou shi ying wei ni bu shi ren!! (*gasp* That's because you're not a person!!)"  
"...Shi ge xiao hua. *koffkoffbendankoffkoff* (...'Tis a joke. *koffkoffidiotkoffkoff*)"  
"Hm? (Hm?)"  
"*sigh* Mei shi, mei shi. (*sigh* Nothing's wrong, nothing.)"  
"Hao. (Ok.)"  


***  


Pilica stealthily walked into the kitchen.  


"No one will know that I took the cookies. No one. NO ONE!! BWA HA HA!!!" she yelled.  
"Who's in the kitchen?!" Jun yelled. Pilica quickly grabs a few cookies and leaves. She meets Jun outside the kitchen.  
"I knew it!!" Jun said, triumphantly. Pilica gulped, hiding the cookies.  
"Knew what?" she asked.  
"I had suspicions that..." Jun began. Pilica gulped again.  
"That...?" she asked.  
"The kitchen was here! Bai-long and I are both kinda hungry. If you don't mind, we'll just raid—I mean take some food from the 'fridge. Ren wants his milk, too ^__^" Jun said. Pilica sweatdropped.  
"Oh, sure," she said, "Wait, did you say raid?!" Jun was already in the kitchen.  
"Um, no?" Jun said, sheepishly.  
"n.n Ok!" Pilica said, and skipped off, eating cookies.  


***  


"...My amusing nonexistent collection of nonexistent stuff in the nonexistent attic isn't in this palace!! What's a palace without a nonexistent attic?! I'm going to die here..." Lian said. Chun walked into the room, holding a bottle of milk.  
"Lian, I brought your existent milk!" she said, handing him the milk.  
"Finally!" Lian said, drinking his milk. "I need my milky to be a strong little boy!! n.n;"  
"Can you survive without your nonexistent collection of nonexistent stuff in your nonexistent attic?" Chun asked, concerned. Lian sniffed.  
"I hope..."  


***  


"I shall DOMINATE the world!!! How, you ask?? With these wonderful CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES, damn you! No! NOT rice!! CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES!!! CHO-CO-LATE SPRINK-LES!! C-H-O-K-O-L-E-T-T S-P-R-I-N-C-K-E-L-S!! Chocolate Sprinkles!!" Horo Horo yelled, insanely.  
"Your Majesty, you've spelled chocolate sprinkles incorrectly," the servant said. Horo Horo glared.  
"Are you ARGUING with me?!" he asked in a menacing tone of voice.  
"Of course not! But—" the servant began.  
"But WHAT?!" Horo Horo asked.  
"N-nothing," the servant whimpered.  
"I thought so," Horo Horo said.

***  


"Bored..." Horo Horo said again, sighing.  


Quatre comes in, piloting Gundam Sandrock. He claims he's a pacifist, but he's... um... blowing up colonies. O.o; He blows up half the palace, like Trowa did to Lian. I swear, they're in this together!! The half is restored, as usual, and Quatre walks out with EXISTANT ice blocks up his ass! Gundam Sandrock is outside, somehow, though it was inside. O.o;; Quatre flies away. O.O;;   


***  


A/N: Mm... that's all the insanity I'll write for today... Please don't flame me if this sucked. x.o; *screams* SCHOOL! LESS INTERNET TIME!!! ;_;


End file.
